We Cannot Change Other People But We Can Change Ourselves
Change Other People – Can It Be Done?
Its a common complaint that people marry and then set about trying to change their spouse to be the person they wish they were rather than the person they really are. No partner is perfect but it is important to understand something. We Cannot Change Other People But We Can Change Ourselves
Yes, you can encourage your partner to make small changes in the way they do things and maybe even in the way they think. You can change other people over time, bit by bit, and those small changes can build on one another to become big changes and there is no question we all change as the years go by so why not make them changes that you prefer.
Another Person Cannot Make Us Change
The truth of the matter is that another person cannot make us change. Not directly at any rate. Ultimately, any changes we make are because we want to change ourselves and all the other person can do is to suggest things and encourage us. They make it worth our while to change. You cannot change other people but by supporting and appreciating any changes we make in our behaviour our spouse can encourage us to start making changes to ourselves. Those changes must come from us and from within but they can be encouraged but you cannot change other people unless they want to change..
If you want to change other people make a not of this one thing about encouraging people to change. If I do things that make you happy then you will want to encourage me to do whatever those things are. If you learn that by doing certain things or taking certain actions then I am likely to respond by doing whatever it is you prefer then you will change and start to do those things more often.
Does that make sense? It is a bit like training a puppy. You give it a treat when it does what you want and in no time at all it is eager to do the tricks you want to earn a treat. People are no different and if you want to change other people just help them to understand they get their ‘treat’ when they behave in a certain way. Believe me, it works.
If You Want To Change Other People Then You should Be Willing To Change For Them
It is important to remember this all works both ways. If you want to encourage your partner to change then you should be willing to adapt yourself in some ways that they would prefer you to be as well. It would be unfair and damaging to your relationship if you were to expect your partner to make changes but you were unwilling to make the same effort for them.
We Can Change Ourselves
We can change the way we do things and how we behave in our relationships but it has to feel worthwhile. Making changes in yourself is what a lot of self help books are all about. Learning to change yourself to be the person you would like to be and to suit your situation. If making changes makes us feel good then we are much more likely to continue behaving like that. It is human nature to do more of the things that we enjoy and things that make us happy so if the changes are introduced in a way that makes us happy and more satisfied with our relationship then we are likely to continue doing those things.
Change Yourself – You Cannot Change Other People
Remember, you cannot change other people. You can’t make your partner change but you can encourage them to alter the way they do things. We can change ourselves and we can learn to accept some of the things that we are not so keen on in our spouse. We can encourage our partners to alter their behaviour but if you want to change other people then you must also be willing to change yourself to please your partner.
You Can Both Learn To Change To Make A Happy Marriage
Make it easy for them to change. Make it easier for them to change than if they stay as they are. Their changes need to be easy and even enjoyable for them. Make the effort to change yourself to make them happy but be sure you know what it is they want from you. If you are prepared to change yourself for them they should be happier about changing to please you too. You could both enjoy a happier marriage where you are both prepared to make the effort to adapt yourselves to the marriage for the benefit of the other person. You cannot change other people but you can help them want to change for you.
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